Infant Loss and the Pregnancy that Follows
by Suzanne O’Rourke
The Perinatal Mental Health NZ Trust recently hosted a one-day seminar in Wellington to hear from American academic Joann O’Leary (PhD, MPH, MS, IMH=E, (IV), Field Faculty CEED, University of Minnesota). ‘Infant Loss and the Pregnancy that Follows’, was always going to stir deep emotions and to her credit, Dr O’Leary presented some very complex issues clearly and sensitively.
Four Greenstone Doors Charitable Trust support counsellors attended the seminar and found it useful to hear how the death of a baby during pregnancy affects behaviours in a subsequent pregnancy, not just for parents but for siblings and the wider family. What the research highlighted is the need for perinatal death to be better understood and for parents and family/whanau members to be better supported in their grief.
Dr O’Leary talked about the shock experienced by parents who are ‘unable to complete the tasks of pregnancy’ and the blame they assign to themselves, to their doctors, to God and to the world. She is right to be concerned about the impact of perinatal death, considering how few recognise the extent of its impact and the increasing pressure on couples to ‘make a decision’ when scans or tests reveal something out of the ordinary.
“When we got to the hospital I was numb.”
Acknowledging that a child is lost when a pregnancy is ‘interrupted’ is important. The maternal identity a woman holds for that child does not disappear; she carries it with her throughout her life. Less socially understood and acknowledged, is the strength of the father’s paternal identity. Support is often focused on attending to the mother’s loss, leaving the father’s grief largely unrecognised.
Little wonder then, these complex layers of blame, anger, grief and sadness can set up a ‘perfect storm’ of emotion which impacts the whole family and is carried into subsequent pregnancies.
“Being pregnant again is the biggest reminder of the greatest loss a mother will ever experience”
Dr O’Leary is well qualified to speak on the clinical effects of pregnancy loss, but it was clear in the conversations during the day, even the most experienced medical professionals can get caught up in language which masks some uncomfortable truths.
‘Interrupting a pregnancy’ sounds gentler than terminating or aborting, but it means the same. Similarly, ‘multi-foetal pregnancy reduction’ is the clinical practice of terminating one or more babies, in favour of the remaining sibling(s).
It is very hard to accept the death of a child under any circumstances and to attend adequately to the grief it brings. So much more complicated the grief then, if the issue of being an active participant in the termination of that pregnancy has been camouflaged. With this desire to be sensitive, comes the risk of separating people from a profound truth –the child who has died, remains an important part of the family. When the language used by professionals directs people away from the reality of what is lost, the grief story itself is incomplete.
“Grief that is not resolved is buried alive and may come back to haunt you many years later.”
The material presented by Dr O’Leary gives us much food for thought. Families carry the consequences of many of the shortcomings in medical ‘best’ practice, and it is important they know they can be helped with their grief – no matter how profound.
For Catholics working in this area of pregnancy support and grief counselling, responding with a loving, open, Christ-centred attitude is the key. The task at Greenstone Doors is to always provide a positive response to pregnancy and to be compassionate in every situation of pregnancy loss. There are many causes of perinatal death and everyone who has experienced such loss needs to be treated with the utmost compassion and sensitivity.
Dr O’Leary spoke a lot about the necessity to create a relationship with the lost family member in order for the grief process to do its work and for that child to be mourned. This is the work of grief counselling and bereavement support. It is a beautiful and complex work to be involved in.
For more information, contact:
Wendy Hill at Greenstone Doors.
by Suzanne O’Rourke
The Perinatal Mental Health NZ Trust recently hosted a one-day seminar in Wellington to hear from American academic Joann O’Leary (PhD, MPH, MS, IMH=E, (IV), Field Faculty CEED, University of Minnesota). ‘Infant Loss and the Pregnancy that Follows’, was always going to stir deep emotions and to her credit, Dr O’Leary presented some very complex issues clearly and sensitively.
Four Greenstone Doors Charitable Trust support counsellors attended the seminar and found it useful to hear how the death of a baby during pregnancy affects behaviours in a subsequent pregnancy, not just for parents but for siblings and the wider family. What the research highlighted is the need for perinatal death to be better understood and for parents and family/whanau members to be better supported in their grief.
Dr O’Leary talked about the shock experienced by parents who are ‘unable to complete the tasks of pregnancy’ and the blame they assign to themselves, to their doctors, to God and to the world. She is right to be concerned about the impact of perinatal death, considering how few recognise the extent of its impact and the increasing pressure on couples to ‘make a decision’ when scans or tests reveal something out of the ordinary.
“When we got to the hospital I was numb.”
Acknowledging that a child is lost when a pregnancy is ‘interrupted’ is important. The maternal identity a woman holds for that child does not disappear; she carries it with her throughout her life. Less socially understood and acknowledged, is the strength of the father’s paternal identity. Support is often focused on attending to the mother’s loss, leaving the father’s grief largely unrecognised.
Little wonder then, these complex layers of blame, anger, grief and sadness can set up a ‘perfect storm’ of emotion which impacts the whole family and is carried into subsequent pregnancies.
“Being pregnant again is the biggest reminder of the greatest loss a mother will ever experience”
Dr O’Leary is well qualified to speak on the clinical effects of pregnancy loss, but it was clear in the conversations during the day, even the most experienced medical professionals can get caught up in language which masks some uncomfortable truths.
‘Interrupting a pregnancy’ sounds gentler than terminating or aborting, but it means the same. Similarly, ‘multi-foetal pregnancy reduction’ is the clinical practice of terminating one or more babies, in favour of the remaining sibling(s).
It is very hard to accept the death of a child under any circumstances and to attend adequately to the grief it brings. So much more complicated the grief then, if the issue of being an active participant in the termination of that pregnancy has been camouflaged. With this desire to be sensitive, comes the risk of separating people from a profound truth –the child who has died, remains an important part of the family. When the language used by professionals directs people away from the reality of what is lost, the grief story itself is incomplete.
“Grief that is not resolved is buried alive and may come back to haunt you many years later.”
The material presented by Dr O’Leary gives us much food for thought. Families carry the consequences of many of the shortcomings in medical ‘best’ practice, and it is important they know they can be helped with their grief – no matter how profound.
For Catholics working in this area of pregnancy support and grief counselling, responding with a loving, open, Christ-centred attitude is the key. The task at Greenstone Doors is to always provide a positive response to pregnancy and to be compassionate in every situation of pregnancy loss. There are many causes of perinatal death and everyone who has experienced such loss needs to be treated with the utmost compassion and sensitivity.
Dr O’Leary spoke a lot about the necessity to create a relationship with the lost family member in order for the grief process to do its work and for that child to be mourned. This is the work of grief counselling and bereavement support. It is a beautiful and complex work to be involved in.
For more information, contact:
Wendy Hill at Greenstone Doors.